dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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