we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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