I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
