They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
