We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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