youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
