I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
