I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
