I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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