I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
