I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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