Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
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