just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize