New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
