Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Its about making memories worth repressing
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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