dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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