Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
