She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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