At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
