I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
