whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
