Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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