You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
