Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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