im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
