Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so let's talk penis.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
