I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
