so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
