you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
