There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
