I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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