this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
