I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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