i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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