i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
