: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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