Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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