I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
