four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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