I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
