This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize