we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
