i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
