my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
