hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days