If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!