Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(864): View more from South Carolina

you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night

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(864): you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night http://tfl.nu/m2bf

Replies (13) Good night (10030) Bad night (864)
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(914): View more from New York

Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk

(1-914): View more from New York

It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you

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(914): Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk (1-914): It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you http://tfl.nu/bgwq

Replies (55) Good night (8743) Bad night (917)
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(972): View more from Texas

Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...

(214): View more from Texas

Was she wearing cherry chapstick??

(972): View more from Texas

No. Life's not always a fairytale.....

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(972): Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan... (214): Was she wearing cherry chapstick?? (972): No. Life's not always a fairytale..... http://tfl.nu/2nel

Replies (24) Good night (6696) Bad night (913)
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(863): View more from Florida

I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.

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(863): I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy. http://tfl.nu/ar0z

Replies (21) Good night (4624) Bad night (1853)
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(630): View more from Illinois

Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..

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(630): Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.. http://tfl.nu/pq67

Replies (7) Good night (4049) Bad night (1729)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.

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(+44): listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all. http://tfl.nu/7xa1

Replies (8) Good night (1221) Bad night (2725)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.

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(678): I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth. http://tfl.nu/apt1

Replies (5) Good night (1321) Bad night (573)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.

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(832): Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only. http://tfl.nu/5mf4

Replies (4) Good night (712) Bad night (386)
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(585): View more from New York

we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT

(1-585): View more from New York

Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.

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(585): we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT (1-585): Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink. http://tfl.nu/wawv

Replies (3) Good night (878) Bad night (316)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.

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(785): Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want. http://tfl.nu/2jiy

Replies (3) Good night (930) Bad night (313)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.

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(505): Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot. http://tfl.nu/8yik

Replies (3) Good night (633) Bad night (344)
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(707): View more from California

I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude

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(707): I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude http://tfl.nu/pine

Replies (0) Good night (595) Bad night (295)
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(410): View more from Maryland

The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.

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(410): The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day. http://tfl.nu/gmm1

Replies (4) Good night (507) Bad night (294)
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(512): View more from Texas

This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's

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(512): This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's http://tfl.nu/e5h3

Replies (3) Good night (551) Bad night (284)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.

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(423): Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality. http://tfl.nu/q9e2

Replies (2) Good night (539) Bad night (294)

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