one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
