he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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