My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
