He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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