He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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