lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
What did we do last night that was yellow?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
