the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
