Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
