I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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