I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
