i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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