Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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