Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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