I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
