im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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