i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
