In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
