Where is the hickey?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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