it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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