He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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