Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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