Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
