Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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