i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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